Ridiculous things that annoy me.

There are certain ridiculous things that annoy me. Discussion of some may lead me into some serious moral, ethical and philosophical debate. Today I have learnt the consequences of being too controversial, and so I shall try to narrow down any controversial points.

LAWS:

There are certain laws in this country that really grind my gears. Firstly, I cannot stand the fact that some people agree that every law is perfect. We'll start simply with the basics. Murder is illegal. I completely agree with this, obviously. Theft is illegal, obviously. Assault and battery are illegal. I could go on. These laws are there for a reason, because they protect people. The government doesn't wants kid running around with machine guns and machetes because it is just ethically and morally wrong to meddle with peoples lives in such a way. Laws like this I completely agree with, as you would. However, there are some ridiculous ones which make me sick to the back teeth. One of them is the illegality of the usage and supplying of marijuana (cannabis.) Now you'd expect that because I hold this viewpoint that I love weed. In actual fact I don't like it at all. I don't like any illegal drugs cos I think they're all pretentious and shit. Over my dead body will you see me take a drug, excluding things like booze and painkillers etc. I don't like it, but why can't others enjoy it without fear of persecution? Don't get me wrong there are a lot of dickheads that smoke weed; skaggy sketheads who walk around doing it but then again a lot of skaggy sketheads hang around drinking cider, and a lot of educated people have a weakness for booze. Look at Ernest Hemingway. Booze isn't illegal, and cannabis is. What gives? why is this so? The only reason it is is because parliament says so and I don't like that. Booze is legal cos they all the bigwhigs like a good martini now and again. Alcohol is far more dangerous than weed. Weed hasn't ever killed a soul, alcohol has killed hundreds and thousands. It has killed them internally (heart disease or other symptoms from alcoholism) and externally (Maybe they had a bit too much wkd and jumped off a bridge.) If weed can be considered illegal because of the side effects it can have then it is absolutely silly. It has been proven to lead regular users to serious mental illnesses yes, but it barely effects anyone and only by the time you're like 50. Anyway I don't wanna get into a really serious debate about it cos in the end... it doesn't even effect me so I don't even know what I'm on about. Just thought I'd write about things that slightly annoy me and this is the first thing I thought of. By the way, most of the stuff I write shouldn't be taken too seriously...just a heads up. Oh yeah here's a list of stuff people have claimed cannabis can be good for.

Claims have also been made for its use in treating:

• Migraine
• Headaches
• Asthma
• Strokes
• Parkinson's disease
• Alzheimer's disease
• Alcoholism
• Insomnia

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What else annoys me? Oh yeah people who don't know about geography and things.

The capital of Australia is Canberra

The capital of Latvia is Riga

The capital of Brazil is Brasilia

In Brazil the main language is Portuguese

Alaska and Hawaii are the last two states to join the USA.

Waves are caused by the moon's gravitational pull.

Indian Americans are called this because Christopher Columbus thought he landed in India. They actually descend from pre-mongolia. In essence, they are more chinese than Indian.

These are all facts that everyone should know. But most people don't and it amazes me.

Also if you can't say hello in 6 different languages, that pisses me off.

I'm bored of writing shite now.

Much Ado About Fish

     Bonjour. Yesterday I went to The Deep Aquarium in Hull and it was quite exciting as I creased at every living thing I saw...so I thought I'd write a blog about it.

     Firstly, I CREASE at fish and other sea creatures. I howl in laughter at them. They just swim around doing nothing but look moody. Here is an example of a moody fish.

     Some of these fish were unbelievably moody. Especially the Grouper fish! That was one arsy fish! Also what makes me crease about fish is the fact that they can't change their facial expression. With a dog you know if its happy or sad, and you could tell the emotional state of a duck I reckon with great concentration on the matter. HOWEVER, you cannot tell the emotional state of a fish. They are like zombies. Back to the Grouper fish. It is unnecessarily large. There is no need for a fish to exist at a scale of which it does. Here is a photo of a Grouper Fish. Hopefully you can see the size of it and crease.

     Another fish that made me absolutely howl in laughter at the state of its existence was the Sword Fish! There is no need for that ridiculous snout! No need! Evolution has gone wrong here. How can millions of years of environmental adaptation lead to that! Does it slash things with it's beak? It has no need for it. In the human world, it would be bullied and mocked. Here is a picture of a Sword Fish.

     I managed to take a picture of a hilarious little eel thing that plants itself in the ground and looks at you. My initial thoughts were there is no need for the existence of that seathing. But on second thought, I reckon its hilariousness is the reason for its existence. Here is the photo I took.

     Have a good day! Signing out: Orbital Newt, TJReily. Here are some Moon Jellyfish I took a photo of, there is no need for their existence too.

DREAM BLOG: 05/04/12

     I had some intense dreams last night so I thought I'd write about before I forget. The first dream I had was pretty mental, I remember coughing my heart and lungs up and then catching them in my hands. I couldn't stuff them back in so I wacked them in the freezer for safe-keeping. I had no pulse and couldn't breathe but I was still walking around normally. I was doing this for about half an hour before I realized I couldn't think properly cos no blood was in my brain, and that I might die soon. I lifted up my t shirt and poked my ribs and the skin folded between the ribs, seemingly because I didn't have any lungs. It was wack, my grandad told me to hold on and he'd get an ambulance. I remember the ambulance taking absolutely ages to come and then I collapsed and I think I was dying, then I woke up and was like WTF, surely that couldn't happen. I stopped panicking and went back to sleep for dream no.2, which was awesome.

     Dream number two involved loads of people, and I was sort of like the group leader. I was part of a drama project where we had to create a set for this play about monkey's...which wasn't just about monkeys swinging from tree to tree but had a love story in there and Sophie Palmer was the female monkey tart, (but in the end she ended up nice and all in love), and the male protagonist monkey ended up being Kieran K Flex Woods, (you can look him up on facebook.) ANYWAY, this wasn't the main point to my dream. We traveled to Little Weighton park, you can look that up on Google earth and its the village where I went to primary school. In the middle of this beautiful park, and it was at the height of summer in my dream too, was an enormous tree that went up into the sky for about three hundred meters. I remembered in my childhood that I climbed it all the way once, and at the top was a golden path that led you into this mountainous, brown, sunlit precipice where you could sunbathe and forget about life. I remembered watching the sunrise there once, and having an epiphany. I wanted everyone in the project to climb up and see it for themselves but nobody would listen to me, they just seemed interested in trying to fix the area around the tree for the monkey play. The play was called, "I wanna be your canary." There were runners nailed into the tree about half way up, like planks of wood stuck horizontally to the tree to enable a sort of ladder effect. I started to climb up to about half way and then everyone's attention was on me, but the wood was rotten and pulled out of the tree before I could utilize it. I climbed back down and told everyone about the amazing paradise that was available above. No one would listen, everyone was talking over me. No one would listen at all. No one could imagine how beautiful the place was that I remember seeing.

    Then I woke up. Interesting dreams, especially the second one. Thought I'd share it!

Signing out: Orbital Newt, TJReily.

BLOG 3: 22/03/2012

Bonjour. I have a lot of stuff to talk about today so this might be longgggggggggggggggggggg.

    
     Firstly, I wanna talk about how annoying dreams are. So there I am last night, laid in bed and all R.E.M like, and I don't mean the band. In my dream I was at this family reunion shindig number with a semi-balding DJ who brought his own disco lights from 1997, you know the type. Anyway, there was a bingo stand and a progressive jackpot had been running for a number of years and it had racked up to £500,000 shining goldens of the queen. I only went and won it with some geeky kid but then cos it was in my name he wasn't allowed any so I was planning on giving him like 20k or something. No one would be unhappy to receive 20k, you'd have to be mad bro. So I cashed in the cheque they gave me, at a bank, and I shouted in the bank loudly, "CAN I PAY THIS HALF A MILLION POUNDS IN PLEASE." Everyone in the bank was in awe at my regality, which is exactly what I wanted. The cashier for some reason was my old P.E teacher Mr. Broadbent, who hadn't aged since the last time I'd seen him.

    What grinds my gears is the fact that I only bought a pink panther statue and a copy of Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986) and I can't remember what else I bought. When I woke up I wanted to kill myself. I MEAN WHAT COULD I HAVE BOUGHT!?!? Here are some of the things I could have bought with that kind of money, and would have.

 Anyone else had any of these nobheadish dreams?

     My mate Jamie Mitchell, son of Roderick said today that his uncle had a friend once who made his own cider moonshine in his speakeasy bathtub. Apparently after twenty years of drinking the brew, he went blind. I found that quite funny. Here's how to make your own moonshine, but be careful as in a fifth of a century you may lose the ability to see.

      Jamie was drinking some proper rank drinks today at Gardeners Arms and it proper made me think. I've ranted about this previously right but why do some people drink shit? Jamie bought a pint of Old Rosie cider today and I thought okay well it's cider it can't be too bad. I've had it when I was like 15 before and I don't really remember its taste. I smelt it, and it smelt of absolute 100% GRADE A, Canadian MOOSE PISS!! It was fucking disgusting!!! There is nothing on earth that resembles urine so much, that isn't actually urine. In fact I remember saying to him if I put a pint of piss next to his pint, it would be hard to distinguish. Why would anyone drink something so rank? I hate these fad followers who just drink shit because its different or because every other Tom, Dick and John is having it. If you want a nice drink, have a Kopparburg! I don't give a shit if you think it comes with a vagina, atleast it comes with a nice taste! Have a rum and coke! A Guinness or a tequila and orange! I'd much rather drink those than a pint of fosters. RANK, some beers are alright but some you just wouldn't drink! #fadfollowers. I typed into google, Old Rosie tastes of urine and I didn't really get any results, (I'm sure some people will agree with me), but I did find this, http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2115945/I-like-warm-pee--comforting-Meet-woman-drinks-bathes-urine.html - Its about a woman who does everything with her own piss. Weird eh. I wouldn't be caught dead fiddling about with my wee, but that's just me.

     My mate who shouldn't really be named because of possible religionist statements said something quite funny today. Its highly controversial, but a woman walked past fully clad, head to toe in some gown and you could just see her eyes. Muslim I gathered. My mate said, "I thought she was going to sell me a droid." I found that well funny. Sorry to anyone who gets offended there... 8-) I'm gonna throw it out there, but I didn't like the fact she was wearing loads of clothes on a sunny day anyway, sometimes religion gets on my nerves and I will voice my opinion. DAFT. Its a semi-warm to hot day. Darts players don't wear slings do they? Chefs don't use blunt knives and Sumo wrestlers don't glue their feet to the floor. Do they really want to wear that get up? I don't know if I'm being naive here but I thought this type of dress was forced upon these women by men who believe a woman should not show anything. Why would a woman like that? Are they forced to? Are they actually because I think that's illegal. It should be. I would never force my wife to wear such an outfit unless she wanted to. If they want to then fine.

      Here's a lovely moving picture for you.

Here's another.

     Got a shoutout yesterday from Simon Kent who wants to know my opinions on Subway, the fast food chain. To start off with, it annoys me that one of their adverts ages ago said it was healthy. IT AINT healthy, its 7 x worse for you than eating tissue paper I reckon. All the salad isn't even real salad, its dipped in glucose syrup so you come back for more. Its a fast food chain! it ain't good for you. I reckon subway is well bad for you right, and I used to reckon it was because the bread isn't real. I think it kind of must be real now, but I used to think it was artificial. Because where have you seen bread similar to Subway bread? I don't even mind subway sandwiches cos they are quite nice so I'll have one like every two weeks, but its the staff that do my head in! they are all timid little misers with no personality. I apologise to you if you work in subway, but everyone I've ever met thats served me has reeled off the same speech to me. "Toasted with cheese? What salad can I get you?" "Enjoy your sandwich." IT PISSES ME OFF! This automated monotonous robot land we live in. How hard would it be to ask me how my day was going or comment on the weather. Thats what annoys me most about it. ALSO, what is this veggie pattie nonsense? I mean what is it. What actually is it? It looks like roadkill, cut into a rectangle.


     I suppose that will be all for today! I've had fun writing a load of absolute shit yet again!


Any questions, queries or suggestions for upcoming blogs will be appreciated! I'll leave you with a quote today.


"What do you call a black man flying a plane? ....
































A pilot you absolute racist."







SIGNING OFF - Orbital Newt - TJReily

A very important question.

A collection of photos

So I thought I'd add a small collection of some funny, interesting and just very cool photos. Here you go, enjoy!